eg. How do you approach an STD test with a new partner?

Would you strongly suspect a woman has an STD if she is uncomfortable discussing her sexual history?

Asked by on October 31, 2013

Even though she is agnostic or atheist(has no religion telling her sex is bad) and we are very close otherwise? While I realize women tend to be more private and embarrassed about their sexual histories compared to men, what other reason could there be besides possible STD infection that a woman would lie or avoid discussing this, especially with a non-religious, non-prudish man like me, especially if she also isn’t religious?

5

Answers


9

kjdela

December 19, 2009 at 6:08 pm

Talking about your sexually history, or in this case, not talking about your sexually history can vary widely from sexual abuse to something benign as just being shy or maybe an ex-boyfriend that she would just rather forget about then discuss with you. I would not assume she has a STD, or was sexually abused or just simple shy. It is not fair to her to assume something that may not even be true.

If you two are truly very close, you should be able to have an open discussion about it. If she still refuses to talk about her history, then don't press her on it, you will only make her upset and more mad at you. Instead talk about the sexuality between the two of you and perhaps that may lead her to talk about her past.

I highly suggest wearing a condom, regardless of past history, STD, etc.

Also, I'm not sure where you get that religion teaches people that sex is bad? And further more, religious or not, people have sex and sex for pleasure, hell we have 6 billion people on the planet to prove it, Christian, Muslim, Jewish or Buddist. Someones religious orientation does not make them a better or worse person in their judgement of sexuality.

8

Peace  

December 18, 2009 at 6:58 pm

It doesn’t necessarily mean she has an STD, you’re asking her for her sexual history not a pap smear. *drum roll*.
But in all seriousness, she’s probably worried you will have a negative perception once she tells you her number. (The number of people she’s had sex with)
She also might have a sexual history of sexual abuse.
There are many possibilities…just don’t push her to answer your questions. If she’s not comfortable explaining who and what and where and how! You can choose to get involved or not.

7

Stephanie  

December 18, 2009 at 7:09 pm

if you are indeed “very close” you should ask her why she doesnt want to discuss it. perhaps she doesnt feel that its any of your business. if you are just friends, it might be that she doesnt want you to think that she is interested in having sex with you and discussing it is very personal and tends to be provocative and she doesnt want your relationship to ‘go there’. she may not want you to think about her in that way, period. i would lean more towards her just wanting a platonic relationship than an STD. if none of this is the case and you are BOTH attracted to each other, perhaps she was raped or abused, or maybe even a virgin. but if you are not having a sexual relationship with her, her sex life should be off the table if she is uncomfortable talking about it. pushing the issue could cost you her friendship.

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Rivergirl100  

December 18, 2009 at 8:07 pm

I would guess that she was raped or sexually abused at some point.

Or that, at some time in the past, she has shared her sexual history and been cruelly judged for it.

Or that she has had an abortion, and either has mixed feelings about it, or has been harshly and rudely judged for it.

In fact, I don’t think that an STD would even have crossed my mind, honestly. But that’s just me.

4

<>  

December 18, 2009 at 8:15 pm

Yeah, I suppose. But her refusing to talk of her sexual past could be a number of things.

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